Dear sister;
I understand exactly what you are going on and I can related myself with some of your situations.
What I am going to share is not the ideal scenario and I will write based on my belief that obedience to laws is not absolute. By living in Cracovia, by now you should have understood this easily. There are laws that are simply unjust, anywhere, and in my case I will never obey them. Unless it costs me too much, if not displease my Lord, I simply declare with clean conscience, by faith, they are not for me. So I move on...
Yes, we must respect and obey authorities. Yes, I do uphold the Constitution of my country and abide by the laws of the Land. However there are some laws that contradict directly what God says and with those laws I don't want to have nothing with. I don't even let my conscience feel guilty. I merely don't think about it.
I don't know what are the financial costs involved'as you migrate. Let us suppose you clean this financial obstacle. What I mean is you would pursue your dream step by step and you have to effectively start it. Plainly saying if you have to work here there are always a way to do it. Give to the Lord what is the Lord's and to Caesar what is to Caesar's. But be sure that Caesar's never wants to give what is the Lord's. Think about it!
Researching, dreaming, expecting, planning and all of those things you have been experiencing for so long and you have been involved with for so long added to your old vision and desire to migrate to America must be over. You should step in by faith, move on through any door opened and let the time brings you to another challenge and only by then, on that specific time, you will face it and make a decision.
You may object that coming here you will have to work to pay your school while you should not work with a Student Visa... You could reason that a Student Visa would be just for an year and then, after one year, "what will I do? What about when my time here is over? Why if I have to return to Cracovia? What about the ties I have to cut off in Cracovia to come to America and if I need then when I return? And if, if, if... if nothing doesn't work, "what am I going to do?" You see... Just thinking... You did nothing, You didn't step by faith.
See, you are not moving forward step by step, you are attaching uncertain tough questions to easier real present decisions. If you make one decision at a time any decision can open to you a set of possibilities that you will never experience unless you decide your way after each step you move forward.
Frustration is the fake sense of not being able to get over something you thought you could not do so you have never tried or you have tried but you just went half way to accomplish it because you believed the lie it was not possible. The Truth is: all things are possible! I can assure you that with my own testimonies. Yes, we can do all things with God.
Let me encourage you to stop dreaming, I mean, sleeping. Awake up to the fact that it is not you or any fulfilment of any laws that justifies you, but only Jesus. I mean, get rid of that illusion you can be justified by fulfilling the Law. You will never do it and I bet you you don't even follow all the Laws in your own country.
Let us gain your attention to the fact that your depression and suffering for the current problems you face are temporaries. You are not alone in the universe with the type of problems you face, you are not unique, you are not special, all similar sufferings are present in many believers houses around the world.
Like if you were always thinking or saying: "You have no idea what I have been through. If you just know it!"
If I really knew it I would not be able any way to help entirely with what you need, the same way people can't not help me the way I think I need or deserve, they simply can't help me with many problems I go through. If I am depressed I myself will absorb all the sadness that it comes with, drop by drop, until nothing is left and I will patiently go (I have no other option anyway) as deep as I can into all the implications I am surrounded with. So, I think, let me cry all I can cry and be in my room by myself all the time I want to, because all will pass away. Do you understand me?
Let us call you to meet the Lord at the airport, with tickets to your destiny and let the misery of trying to please God by your efforts, depending on somebody and something else, be gone. God is already totally pleased with you, daughter, and those who are completely pleased with Him He makes their hearts's desires to pass.
Be blessed,
Josimar Salum
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